whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
