Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
from now on my penis is your penis
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
