I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
