we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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