I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
