"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
