Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
