Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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