yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
