I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
