PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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