last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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