Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
