i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i dont even know how to be here
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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