onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
