My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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