I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's Friday. Sex?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
