Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
