My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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