your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
