We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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