The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
50% drunk capacity currently
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
