woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
