my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
