May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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