Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
