remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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