My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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