I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
