i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
