Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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