this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
