I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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