dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
