I faked an abortion last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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