I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
