i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
