wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
