you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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