So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
