thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
