drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
