So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
