I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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