The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
