sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
