Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
