Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
