Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
