Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
