Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
