I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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