I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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