i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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