Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
