My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
