i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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