even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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