I just made out with a guy for $7.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
