i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
