guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
