I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
