we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
