I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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