Just fell off a train. Bad.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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