I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
