What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
